Summer's good so far... excluding the time wasting arguments, broken hearts, and living it like a potato. Yeah, so far so good :)

Let's see what I've done so far...
- Had my first hangover
- Watch my two friends go through love like a live korean drama (...yes, that dramatic)
- Snuck someone into my room until the next day without my parents knowing
- Slept for 16 hours
- Stayed at someone's house for a couple of days and I wasn't close with that person..just for fun
- Karaoke-ed until I lost my voice
- Gone crazy over someone
- Zhi Hung proposed to me :') (FINALLY)
- Started wearing dresses again
- Cried over stupid reasons
- Ninja-ed until 5 in the morning
- Didn't eat for 4 days
- Spent over $200 in one day
- Piggyback-rode my best friend on the escalator
- Planked on top of a car
- Spammed someone's notifications until facebook blocked me from doing so
- Accompanied my friends to go fishing until 4am
- Watched American Pie for the first time
- Had 4 guys telling me they love me in one day
- Had someone I just met fall in love with me
- Had someone give me premature ventricular contractions
-  Went to KB, Seria, Tutong and back to Bandar in one day
- Played YELLOW CAR with my friends from KB all the way to Bandar and back
- Took photos with strangers
- Made my friends drink for the first time, get piercings, spend their money, and colour their hair...Hey, I'm not a bad influence, you just agreed with me :P

...and yeah, that's pretty much all that I could think of for now..
But I want to..
- Have a picnic
- Eat pizza at 3 am randomly somewhere
- Do road photoshoots (me being the photographer)
- Go to the mall as a guy (again)
...I don't know, I just wanna make this summer memorable again XD I HAVE ONE MONTH TO DO SO!

Anyone wanna join me? :) Please. I mean seriously, just save me from the boredom :/

HOW'S EVERYONE AND THEIR SCHOOLING? :D

-Ashieken Bartholomew :B

Hey babes how's it going out there?

Im so fucking heartbroken right now. I never sHould have been with you. I wasted my dam time Being with you. You don't know the pain im suffering Right now. There you go lost your feelings just like that. Pfft. What kind of guy are you? A sorry won't heal me.

You should've told me earlier instead of making me waste my time.a sorry doesn't take back anything you said.if I didn't ask you whether you still had feelings for me or not just wastes my time even more.good luck with your next girlfriend who you'll apparently lose feelings for. Thank you for everything.have a great life. It ends here.

My love for you is just a waste of my time.There's no point of being with me when your not even gonna love me truly. You keep on sayi I love so much. But do you really meant it? Or is it all just lies? I want to be with a guy who truly loves me for who I am. Not love me just for a few months. But that's the past and I need to Move on. I hope you move on as well.

Rebeccajae

HI EVERYBODY. :D

-k , byeeeeee. AnitaaaHo. xxxx

heey babes how's it going? :b

13th July 2011 , they day my boyfriend told me he doesnt have feelings for me anymore.. I never felt so heartbroken in my entire life. up till now im still heartbroken. I don't know what to do. should I dump him? I still love him deeply but there's no use loving him since he doesnt have feelings for me anymore. I need help. </3 I gave him 3 days to think about it. if he doesnt want to be with me anymore, I'll let him go. If I really love him , I'll let him go. my heart shattered into a thousand pieces. Its like only he can put it back together. I'm so scared. scared to lose him. scared he'd fall for another girl instead of me. he once told me " I love you rebecca , you've changed my life , you filled my heart to the max. I never been so in love with you so much. I love you so much. I love you forever.. " forever? pfft. I know forever doesnt last. I know one day he will lose his feelings for me one day. I cant even describe my feelings for him now.. I love him. I really do. but if he decides to break up with me , I'll let him go. :( my heart tells me he's the one.. I really saw a future with him :( for ONCE he made me feel so special. why did he lose his feelings for me? what can I do to make his feelings come back again?! D: please.... I need you..  i'm sorry that I loved you.

FUCK MY LIFE DEEP DEEP
GONNA LOSE MY MIND 
YOU'VE BEEN GONE FOR SO LONG




                                                                                                                                                           xoxo ,    
                                                                                                                                    rebeccajaelovesallmybabes (: <3

WHAT UP MY BABES?!!? HAHA.

anyways, today I went to kadet polis sultan birthday rehersal thinggy and in the half way of the rehersal..... i PENGSAN D: mygod ._____. un-cool.  It was my FIRST time -.-" hopefully I dont pengsan tomorrow (:

I'm so sad today..... my boyfriend doesnt even know whether he still has feelings for me anymore. maybe he's cheating on me OR he scared I </3 :pp FUCK MY LIFE DEEP DEEP. D: T.T Like my friends ( Including my babes) say ' stay strong ' . I will stay strong no matter what happens to me

and the weird thing that I always say to myself is " OHMYGOD. I CANT BELIEVE IM HUMAN" that was pretty RANDOM SHIT i always say -.-"'

gotta sleep early for tomorrow's rehersals at 6.50 AM =='




                                                                                                                                              bye my babes,
                                                                                                                                              xoxo. Rebecca.  

 You know I get tired of every time someone says "I love you". The only thing that actually passes through my mind when I get that is: BULLSHIT. I mean, it's nice...thanks for telling me that. But one day, I'd like someone to actually mean it when they say it.


I once heard from an anime (I know.. -.- but I was a kid back then and this is a nice quote~ PROMISE!)
""i love him!"...you say that...But if he truly belonged to you, would you be here fighting to hold on to him? You say that you love him but if you did, would you really want to take his friends away from him? Would you try to force your will upon him to make yourself happy? without any regards for his feelings? You don't understand that there are times when true love will be a source of pain... and one that you must accept... Because to truely love someone is to put their feelings before your own.. no matter what... keep putting yourself first.. and you will only succeed in pushing him away.... "


Sometimes I think the word LOVE is just so misused. And quite often misunderstood... I'll give you my story.. my first love.
NOTE: No misunderstandings please, I'm completely straight. No homo.


I had this bestfriend. Notice how I said had back there. Well I've known this girl for 4 years...we had everything planed. We were gonna move to Australia, go to the same university and open up our own clinic together...do a partnership. And we kinda got waaaaayyyy too far of our thoughts for our future. How childish is that thinking that it's gonna be FOREVER?


And this plan was always cut-off every time a guy comes into the picture..well for her. I was alright with it, I guess.


Let's just cut to the chase. I met this guy. Let's call him N. Now everyone, say hello to N :) HI N. I met N at my close friend's 17th birthday and we got kinda close. Like a little too close ;) ahha I keed. And yeah, he got the hots for me..and ever since that night he kept telling me to stop playing hard to get. And it was SO FUCKING OBVIOUS that I kinda liked him back...like even a blind man can tell. And she knew it. I went to the YDM ARISE AND SHINE camp for 3 days or so and I came back..she asked me to go to the mall, henceforth I did.  And when I got there, she made me sit all the way at the back by myself coz apparently "there were no other seats left" and I saw her in front with all my friends and N. OUCH. nuff said.


I didn't mind so much...I let him go. I thought that maybe she needed him more....coz I guess I can stand this time not having a guy. Myeh. She never had a real boyfriend anyway...they're all online and shit like that. And the whole time she kept saying "Oh N better be my bf~". She told me this too, "I'm never gonna lose my virginity until I'm married^^" ...THREE DAYS LATER.. "Ashie...I got something to tell you"


I was there for her. Through the thick and thin. I loved her like she was my other half. I even stayed for A MONTH OR TWO at her house just to look after her...She's clinically depressed so I didn't leave her sight just so she won't hurt herself. I cooked her food, helped her with her chores, watched after her...everything. I felt like my whole world was shattering when one time I saw her having one of her asthma attacks right before me, I panicked and almost had a heart attack. I was so scared that I would lose her. That's how much I loved her.


After leaving her house that month, the week I came back to school, she stopped talking to me. So I gave her time and space. But then she started talking behind my back...calling me a bitch and all that. Saying I've been spreading rumors about her and N when her stupid little boyfriend was the one who told the whole world that he fucked her. I was hurt. Deeply hurt. And one day she called me asking me to buy her a pregnancy test. You have no idea how many tears fell out of my eyes... It was like she was just using me whenever she needed me. I told her that I can't do it anymore...I did everything I can and she threw me away like a spat out gum and stepped on it. I can't believe that after all that time she would think I'd talk about her behind her back and betray her like that. No matter how many times she said she was sorry...I told her no. It's just not gonna be like that... You can't just apologize to someone you hurt so much and expect things to be ok. It doesn't work that way.


Life continued on...with no eye-contact, staring at each other from far away, wishing it didn't turn out that way. But hate started to grow on me. And a few weeks after the BFF break up, a mutual friend of ours told me that she's hospitalized...she overdosed herself with her anti-depression pills because she had enough of life. And even then, I cried. It was all my fault. Even her parents and mine blamed me...because she wrote things on her wall and her parents knew that we weren't that close anymore.


That's the story. She didn't get pregnant btw and she's alive and well. Too well that it annoys the living hell out of me...we're not talking anymore and she says it's my problem if we're not friends anymore. But the thing is, life has never been better. It's just these scars that she clawed in so deep aren't fading. She was the first person that I've ever loved the most..up to the point where I gave her everything I could, sacrificed everything. It's just hard to get over it...


And I'm kinda glad I never got with N. He was an asshole. He'd fuck any girl he sees. But I don't get how she can see past that. Every time they were together all he could talk about was me...and how sexy my legs were. What would you do if your boyfriend was checking out your bestfriend? Wouldn't you get pissed? Coz I know I would...what a douche. But she just got jealous...so jealous that she started to fake things with me...fake her attitude towards me and act like she likes me but doesn't. She started to talk like me, act like me, and dressing like me. WHOAH BITCH....If your boyfriend doesn't love you for who you are then why are you with him? Can't you see that he's just using you for sex? How badly do you love him that you've only met him for a few weeks that you'd change yourself so much just for him?




Friends aren't forever... I don't understand why I even loved someone (not in a romantic way) who didn't even love me back. I know if you love someone, you won't expect anything in return....I didn't expect to get so broken up like this.


And LIFE...can be pretty shit sometimes.


Anyway, here's me signing off. Ashieken Bartholomew.

Soon, i'll be left out, ignored and replaced. Everything's changing. Changing to things i couldn't even imagine. I thought i'd still be the one that everyone needs. But now, i've lost my faith and hope. I give up too easy.

I let go too early.. Scars reminds me of how hurt i am. Its been a month and 2 days since you left. And i'm hurt deeper than the Earth. What hurt was you left me just before my birthday, you didn't bother to chase me back, greet me on my birthday also like nothing and after you left, i felt used and unwanted...

Best friends, Good friends or any kind of friends will soon find their own true friend. Am i the only one who's waiting for mine?

I've lost Kayleigh. As much as i need her back, i don't have the guts..

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