Hello darlings,
how's life going?

Mine went from :D ---> :) ---> :l ---> :( ---> D: ---> D': ---> :l ---> :'D then back to D':  after i got tired of all this crap, i was like .____. for a month. And all i can say is that, im fucking  emotional. Even just the little things can make me sad like hell. Is caring too much wrong? Is doing what i want wrong? Is being myself wrong?


Sorry to disappoint. Sorry I'm not the type of girl you thought I am. I told you already, but you say I'm just saying it to keep you away. & No, you do not accept me for me. You were trying to change me, into the girl you wanted me to be. I was stupid to listen to you. Even people have warned me, I DO NOT CARE. Why? Because I don't judge a book by its cover. Unlike you, i may be a double face but it only happens when its necessary. Nobody is fucking perfect. People makes mistakes. Since you told me, you're ex is CLOSE TO PERFECT. WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING BE WITH HER, INSTEAD OF FUCKING COMPLAINING HOW ANNOYING SHE IS. And can I say you're really selfish. You complained her to me and i listened, but it seems like you're not listening when i say something. You don't know how many people ignored me for it. How much people talked about me. How much i got judged. FOR JUST HANGING OUT WITH YOU.


screw the sorry, its like I'm saying sorry cause I'm being me.


And you said you got what I wanted you to do? LOL. and i did not fucking thank you for it? Dude, if it wasn't for deactivating my facebook, they still would have come alright. :) & I DONT THINK YOU ASKED ME TO DEACTIVATE IT. did you? yeah, thats what i thought. And seriously, stop thinking all the girls like you. lols, screw it. Go hang out with your malay friends or something and call us rubbish. whatever. 


Don't fucking come back and say sorry, cause i had enough.  I don't want my life to be messed up again. I started over, this time without you. GBU boy.


If you're reading this, you can hate me all you want. You can fucking tell people how bad am i and asked them to stop being friends with me. because 


YOU. YOU. YOU. Why are you treating me like this.
I don't wanna play games. If you like me, show me you do. If you don't, then just tell me...
Don't need to hide. What are we? I don't even know. I've been waiting..
and waiting.. and waiting.. but no question seems to pop out. How long will you leave me hanging?
I promise myself not let anyone in my heart again but you just found its way to get in.
We used to be so happy. So.. what happen? Him happen?
how can a guy ruin a "idontknowwhatitscalled-ship" like this? :L
And now, you seem to stop trying.. you're drifting away. You know how am I like.
You know I don't like to start the convo first. So why are you making me feel like this? :/
I know i should face my fears but inside me a voice always tell me that if you love me you will find me.
So i just kept on waiting... I don't wanna annoy you either. I just want you to be happy.
We lost the spark we had. Last time I would always feel butterflies. Not saying I don't now, but there's a feeling that isn't right.. Like I'm missing something.

14 members and now becomes to 10.
Maybe it's just wrong to ask someone to join when she just doesn't belong here, belong the group.
Hope you guys appreciate each other, don't fight over a small business (:

xoxo. donnajong ♥

HEEEEEEEEEEEEY.

Unicorn is here ! (:

this is my second time posting here !
i didn't know what title should i put, so i just simply think of anything (; i dont know what does it mean but it sounds very .. standard and classicalish. *winks.

so like just now i was chatting with Anita about the babes blog's hotmail and also the password cause its confusing, to me.  so i asked her

HAHA. (a)

Today I talked discussed with you about your staff like I was your business partner. Finding all the faults, all the sources of error, being critical like I've always been about your little school.. after all you know how much I loathe it. Then I had an epiphany, I joked it off by saying "Sometime's I think I'm more of an adult than your staff" although that wasn't really quite that funny.

I headed towards my room shortly after and you called out to me and gave me a hug, "You're growing up too fast. I really miss you when you were little... You're still my baby girl. Just bigger. Possum, slow down will ya?". I chuckled and smiled as you pinched my cheeks.

*Sigh*

It's.. kind of.. too late. Where were you when I was a toddler? Where were you all those times I needed someone to understand me? Where were you? When I met you after you were erased from my memory, it was like having a stranger being introduced to you as your father. I only ever got to see you for a couple of days or maybe weeks ever year or two and I was expected to love you, I was expected to care about you, but how do you give a place in your heart for a stranger?

I know you didn't mean for things to go this way and it wasn't your fault but it's just so hard to let go. That it was only last summer when I finally got to know you. I finally had someone in my life who understands me, that accepts me for who I am, that treats me like a human being at home, that has real conversations about anything with me. I didn't have to hide anymore or feel guilty. And I'm sorry for hating you all those years when you were only trying to make up for everything that went down the drain. I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm sorry.

I remembered when grandpa died, the only grandfather I ever knew, and mom was forcing me to get out of the car and see him in that coffin. She was basically forcing me to care but you stopped her saying "She's still a child, sweetie. Some kids aren't ready to face these things, it's alright. Let her stay in the car". What you didn't know was I didn't care at all. I hated you. I hated every single person in your part of the family. The Christmas gifts, the letters, the bed time stories... nothing could ever make up for all that pain and loneliness.

Throughout my life I basically raised myself. Home felt like jail, it was hard to live up to mother's expectations, I was alone. I remembered when I was begging mom to buy me dolls and she scolded me saying, "Dolls are for little kids! You're too old for that!". I was probably around nine back then and she just opened up her school and day care center. All I could see was little kids around me playing with their toys and having fun. So then I started thinking that I am older than them therefore I should act like I am. And that's when it started. when I was nine, I thought like a twelve year old. When I was twelve, I thought like a fifteen year old. Now, I feel like I definitely don't have the mind of a minor no longer.

When I was thirteen, going through the first loop on the roller-coaster ride of adolescence, I cut myself because those walls I built became weaker and the pain was just bombarded at me. It was like a game of dodge ball. Balls full of mistakes, and blame, and expectations just kept coming at me and I did my best to avoid but then I obviously lost the game. I was left alone in one corner, bruised. I thought by cutting myself, I'd then feel that there was things that hurt a lot more than what I was going through back then. After a couple of months, mom found out...and I could only imagine how she would feel. Well, at least what I hoped she felt. I was thinking, "How could I let my only daughter feel this way?" but maybe she had different things in her mind like meetings and new staff to employ. But I got over it. Cutting myself was stupid. Although it kinda made me stronger. It made me start thinking that I shouldn't be living my life for someone else, my future is my own not anyone else's and no one can take that away from me.

You joked a lot about how you both messed me up and that I'm a messed up child. But I'm not stupid. I know inside your heart, you have regrets. What if you never left me in Philippines? What if you stayed with me instead of being in Australia most of the time? What if we never settled our life in Brunei and mom could've opened up a school in Australia instead? Would I have not have hold such a grudge? Would I not be so understanding of what life bombards me with? From time to time you tend to bring these things up with a laugh at the end but then you look away... because you can't keep a fake smile for too long.

It's just sad that life is moving on and there's only a couple of years left before I'm out on my own. You only did your part as a father, don't burden yourself.

The truth is in life, you never know what you've got until it's gone. The family reunion was a tad bit over due but I'm not going to complain, it's the best thing I've ever had in my life so far.

Just so you know, I'll never forget the trips to the doctor, otherwise I would've fainted. I'll never forget the bed-time stories, I wouldn't have had so much things to dream about. I'll never forget all those so called bonding sessions, I wouldn't have gotten to know you. I'll never forget you, I don't know how I could ever live my life without getting to know you.

Today, heck I don't even know. I'll give you a big hug when I see you after I get up...like I was your little girl again. I'll be forever your possum. :)

Here's me signing off, Ashieken Bartholomew.

Rawr! again. Babes, how are you guys doing? 

I am bored. I am hungry. I am moody. D: ... Maybe I am not bored, just hungry ._. and hungry-ness makes me moody :( 


There is 3 kitties walking around me right now. It's so cutee ! :3 and yet scary. Letting cats stay at home during ghost month is not a good idea ._. 


Anyway, I got nothing to blog about. Just that.. no one actually update, so yea. :3 


Everyone had a sweet dream. sleep early. and have a nice day tomorrow, have fun. xoxo. donnajong's here.
 

let me start off with....;


i dont know wether you think its pedo-like or not. but for real.. i think its like this;

Rawr. How is all my babes doing? :3 I found out that, our blog is still showing the same post as last time I signed in o.o Woah. Everyone seems so busy ya? x3

I am kinda mad and super duper sad.. 
Maybe I should quit our? Babe's group.. Maybe I should really quit.. and No. I am not taking this fun.
I think there's no point for me to stay, since.. Zi Qing is getting more close with MOST of you.
She can just simply replace me.. :'/ this make me cry..

I really do upset. I know I shouldn't call you girls to stay away from ziqing just because i hates her. But there's somehow a reason there ya know?

She's trying to steal all my non-chmsian friend ( exclude chmsian, chmsian-friend is just acting nice in front of her ), I am fine with it, because I know, I still have you guys, babes. All the way, she's acting so innocent in front of them, talk about how bad is Meichen against me. Always do gossip about me, like a lot, more than you could imagine, She just want me to stay away from ''her friend''. Okay. Why not? If you think that having them being your friend, then everyone will do what you wants, then go ahead.

I even act like I don't know them, even they say hi to me, I don't answer back. it hurts a lots.. </3 I just want her to stop stealing. but guess, it is still not enough for her. she's now getting more closer with you girls, I just can't bear this. I don't want to see how much close she is already with you girls, so i choose to deactivate my account. stupid, i know. but guess, i just have to do this to stop myself from confusing and blaming how stupid i am.

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